Oh, and while you are out, grab some smokes and a six pack.

You are to bring into the ark two of all living creatures, male and female, to keep them alive with you. Two of every kind of bird, of every kind of animal and of every kind of creature that moves along the ground will come to you to be kept alive. You are to take every kind of food that is to be eaten and store it away as food for you and for them. Genesis 6:19-21

* It seems silly to bother including this passage, but you’d be amazed how many people actually believe this story literally. To blather on about polar bears, kangaroos, tarantulas, fleas, wildebeests, cobras, peacocks, iguanas, sparrows, penguins, cape buffaloes, prairie dogs, geckos, gnats, hippopotami, kimono dragons, skunks, dingos, vampire bats, wombats, koalas, mosquitoes, leopards, dung beetles, bobcats, orangutans, bald eagles, field mice, wild turkeys, gray wolves, anacondas, raccoons, mule deer, mountain goats, bison, kiwis, porcupines, sloths, condors, arctic hares, Asian elephants, pandas, lemurs, monarch butterflies, spider monkeys, vultures, flamingos, poison dart frogs, lions, armadillos, llamas, flying squirrels, magpies, black widows, hyenas, springboks, box turtles, giraffes, tigers, roaches, and a few million more critters being wrangled by a 500-year-old man from places like the Sahara Desert, the Arctic Circle, a cute little island known as Australia, the Himalayas, the Amazon jungle, the Galapagos Islands, the Rocky Mountains, and quite a few more fairly challenging places to trek to and retrieve wildlife from, not to mention the correlating dietary requirements for the often cannibalistic group, shouldn’t be necessary. Cute story though, especially when every pregnant woman, adolescent child, physically and mentally challenged person, toddler, elderly person, and infant (not to mention, all the unsuspecting wildlife) is horrifically drowned. Makes for a good bedtime story for the kids.