Crapping out the defilement.

After he had left the crowd and entered the house, his disciples asked him about this parable. "Are you so dull?" he asked. "Don't you see that nothing that enters a person from the outside can defile them? For it doesn't go into their heart but into their stomach, and then out of the body." (In saying this, Jesus declared all foods clean.) Mark 7: 17-19

Here, Jesus single-highhandedly tries to destroy the kosher food industry.

Christians and Jews should be skinny.

All the fat is the Lord's. "'This is a lasting ordinance for the generations to come, wherever you live: You must not eat any fat or any blood.' Leviticus 3: 16-17

You'd think that a "Christian Nation," would be less obese based on this little nugget from Leviticus. Maybe God should have said no carbs, too.

God LOVES the smell of good BBQ.

"Then take all the fat on the internal organs, the long lobe of the liver, and both kidneys with the fat on them, and burn them on the altar. But burn the bull's flesh and its hide and its intestines outside the camp. It is a sin offering." Exodus 29:13-14

Internal organs, good. Flesh and hide, bad. Obviously. Any paranoid deity knows such things.

All manna and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

The Israelites ate manna forty years, until they came to a land that was settled; they ate manna until they reached the border of Canaan. Exodus 16:35

Captain Obvious was quoted, "some of the Israelites grew tired of manna."

Cloudy With A Chance Of Pita.

Then the Lord said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. Exodus 16:4

Of course, those on the Atkins Diet were a little dismayed.

Feed the slaves, not the temps.

The lord said to Moses and Aaron, "These are the regulations for the Passover meal:

"No foreigner may eat it. Any slave you have bought may eat it after you have circumcised him, but a temporary resident or a hired worker may not eat it. Exodus 12:43-45

And we wonder why unions emerged.