Praise the great and powerful .... Simon????

Now for some time a man named Simon had practiced sorcery in the city and amazed all the people of Samaria. He boasted that he was someone great, and all the people, both high and low, gave him their attention and exclaimed, "This man is rightly called the Great Power of God." They followed him because he had amazed them for a long time with his sorcery. Acts 8: 9-11

Eventually, David Blaine garnered a following, and Simon was relegated to performing street magic in Barstow.

Who had better healing powers, the Apostles or Jesus? You decide.

The apostles performed many signs and wonders among the people. And all the believers used to meet together in Solomon's Colonnade. No one else dared join them, even though they were highly regarded by the people. Nevertheless, more and more men and women believed in the Lord and were added to their number. As a result, people brought the sick into the streets and laid them on beds and mats so that at least Peter's shadow might fall on some of them as he passed by. Crowds gathered also from the towns around Jerusalem, bringing their sick and those tormented by impure spirits, and all of them were healed. Acts 5: 12-16

Since the Apostles had a 12 to 1 advantage, the contest seems unfair. But then again, Jesus was actually Yahweh, so he probably had the edge.

The Bible: Socialist Manifesto! (Shhh...don't tell the conservative right.)

All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God's grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need. Acts 4: 32-35

Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property. With his wife's full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles' feet. Acts 5: 1-2  
Both Ananias and Sapphira dropped dead directly because they held back money for themselves. Acts 5: 3-10

Safe to say that most Christians of means choose to ignore this passage.

Either Peter was a god, or a beggar was a con artist. Tough call.

Peter Heals a Lame Beggar

Then Peter said, "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man's feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God. When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him. Acts 3: 6-10

They were just shitfaced. (Speaking in tongues follow-up)

When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard their own language being spoken. Acts 2:6 We hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues!" Amazed and perplexed, they asked one another, "What does this mean?" Acts 2: 11-12 Some, however, made fun of them and said, "They have had too much wine." Acts 2:13 Then Peter stood up with the Eleven, raised his voice and addressed the crowd: "Fellow Jews and all of you who live in Jerusalem, let me explain this to you; listen carefully to what I say. These people are not drunk, as you suppose. It's only nine in the morning! Acts 2: 14-15

Let's face it. These people weren't speaking multiple languages at once. They weren't communicating a la the United Nations with headsets and translators. They were bronze-aged desert dwellers; life was brutal. Of course they drank in the morning. Peter, don't be a buzz kill; embrace it and grab a mimosa.

The disciples learn to speak in tongues; and thus, generations of yammering fools are born.

They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them. Acts 2: 3-4

If you've never, in person, witnessed people speak in tongues (or what's better described as grown men and women babbling gibberish under the assumption that the creator of the universe somehow gives a shit enough to control their voice-box), then you truly haven't lived. It's awesome!

Judas replacement a literal crap shoot.

Then they prayed, "Lord, you know everyone's heart. Show us which of these two you have chosen to take over this apostolic ministry, which Judas left to go where he belongs." Then they cast lots, and the lot fell to Matthias; so he was added to the eleven apostles. Acts 1: 24-26

After urging God for help, Peter was heard saying, "OK Bartholomew, roll them bones!"

 

No guts, no glory.

~ Thanks to Greg S. for the submission.

(With the payment he received for his wickedness, Judas bought a field; there he fell headlong, his body burst open and all his intestines spilled out. Acts 1:18

Little known fact; as Judas lay prone with his guts pulsating around his dying body, a slight snicker could be heard from just behind a near tree. The source of that snicker was a man wearing a red and black sweater. It all makes sense if you bother to research the details.