Were they in Galilee or Las Vegas?

"Teacher," said John, "we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we told him to stop, because he was not one of us." "Do not stop him," Jesus said. "For no one who does a miracle in my name can in the next moment say anything bad about me, for whoever is not against us is for us." Mark 9: 38-39

There must have demons on every street corner; and, apparently, plenty of people performing proper miracles.

It's called a seizure, dickhead. There are no such things as demons.

A man in the crowd answered, "Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not." Mark 9:17-18  When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the impure spirit. "You deaf and mute spirit," he said, "I command you, come out of him and never enter him again." Mark 9:25

Of course, since the boy had a real medical condition and not a demon that required a Ghostbuster; he had another seizure later that day. You see, throughout the vast majority of human history, human beings were completely ignorant about seizures, cancer, embolisms, kidney stones, cardiac arrest, mental disorders, germs, lightning, earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, thunder, volcanoes, eclipses, and thousands of other things that mystified them, frightened them, and killed them out of the blue. Is it really so mysterious why religions evolved?

The 12 Apostles are magic, too.

They went out and preached that people should repent. They drove out many demons and anointed many sick people with oil and healed them. Mark 6:12-13

Or perhaps they doled out anti-biotics.

The Dead White Meat

A large herd of pigs was feeding on the nearby hillside. The demons begged Jesus, "Send us among the pigs; allow us to go into them." He gave them permission, and the impure spirits came out and went into the pigs. The herd, about two thousand in number, rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned. Mark 5: 11-13

That's a lot of demon swine.

I think a demon just jumped into my body. Crap! Hey, let's go swimming.

MORE DEMONS!

So he traveled throughout Galilee, preaching in their synagogues and driving out demons. Mark 1:39

This blog loves that Jesus gets after the demons! Gettem' JC!

Some...Demons be gone!

That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed. The whole town gathered at the door, and Jesus healed many who had various diseases. He also drove out many demons, but he would not let the demons speak because they knew who he was. Mark 1:32-34

Relevant take-aways from this passage:
1) Galilee must have been one wild, demon-filled place.
2) Jesus healed many (not all), which means that he sent some people home still riddled with disease. Poor bastards.
3) Jesus drove out many (not all) demons, which means that some people went home with their heads still spinning and scaring the crap out of small children.
4) While healing the sick and chasing away demons while at the same time censoring the demons, Jesus simultaneously tried to be a public mystic while remaining incognito about his god-ness. Talk about confusing.

The Hebrew Exorcist

Just then a man in their synagogue who was possessed by an impure spirit cried out..."Be quiet!" said Jesus sternly. "Come out of him!" The impure spirit shook the man violently and came out of him with a shriek. Mark 1:23, 25-26

This class of theatrics seems reserved for religious charlatans patrolling the American Bible Belt, movies staring Linda Blair, and, apparently, the creator of the universe.

Chill Jesus, it's just a movie.