Like any decent Hollywood script, the villain is introduced.

At once the Spirit sent him out into the wilderness, and he was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him. Mark 1:12-13

Immediately after learning about his real father and his divinity, Jesus was beamed out to the desert to confront a Dr. Evil-esq villain. Mind you, Jesus (God) created this villain, and being omniscient and omnipotent, Jesus had the ability to fart the villain out of existence—certainly Jesus was powerful enough to somehow withstand the villain's devious powers of persuasion.

Now we know why cattle hate Rome.

If the anointed priest sins, bringing guilt on the people, he must bring to the Lord a young bull without defect as a sin offering for the sin he has committed .... He is to lay his hand on its head and slaughter it there before the Lord. Leviticus 4: 3-4

So let's just say, hypothetically, that an "anointed priest" molests a young boy (ridiculous, of course); that means that a bull needs to be slaughtered? That's not fair! Oh wait, in the Bible molesting children is probably not even much of a sin. The Bible triumphs again. Whew.

God has a hissy fit.

"I have seen these people," the Lord said to Moses, "and they are a stiff-necked people. Now leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them. Then I will make you into a great nation." Exodus 32: 9-10


God, take a deep breath. You created the mountains, the seas, billions of complex creatures, trillions of stars, galaxies, black holes, supernovae, globular clusters, and many more cool sounding things in the cosmos; don't let those stiff-necked people get you so mad. You're GOD, for Christ sake. You're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it, people like you!


(Luckily, Moses, as mere human, talked some sense into the divine, perfect, being in the next paragraph.)

More stuff God should probably already know.

Then the Lord said, "The outcry against Sodom and Gomorrah is so great and their sin so grievous that I will go down and see if what they have done is as bad as the outcry that has reached me. If not, I will know. Genesis 18:20-21

* God must have really struggled with omniscience in deity school. Remember, God is ALL-knowing. Couldn’t he just peak through the clouds to check out the action?

Don’t beat yourself up. We all make mistakes.

The Lord regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled. Genesis 6:6

* Instead of the flood, maybe 20 milligrams of Paxil might have helped God deal with his ennui. Of course, any proper omniscient deity would have known what humans would have become before he even made them. Also, doesn’t it seem self-evident that a perfect being would be immune to such a human trait as regret?

Come out. Come out, wherever you are.

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, "Where are you?" Genesis 3:8-9

* Perhaps an omniscient deity should be a tad more proficient at hide and seek. God is all-knowing, after all.