Two Big Macs. Unleavened buns, please.

Abraham lived a hundred and seventy-five years. Genesis 25:7

* As fast food crept into the Middle East, lifespans plummeted. When Abraham dropped dead at 175, most likely due to cardiac issues stemming from high cholesterol, people began to realize that the days of living into one's six or seven hundreds were long gone.

God really is a giver.

The Lord has blessed my master abundantly, and he has become wealthy. He has given him sheep and cattle, silver and gold, male and female servants, and camels and donkeys. Genesis 24:35

* Yes, the Lord blessed Abraham with slaves. And a pretty generous 401k.

An oldie but a goodie.

Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you." Genesis 22:2

* Of course, as Abraham is poised to slice open the little boy’s throat, an angels steps in just in the nick of time. God is good. And you thought Punked was just a rip-off of Candid Camera.